3 Poems

Fun War

she says ‘you are officially the first thing
i think of,’ her mouth a line, as if
i am condemned. i am so okay

with that. what was i just gonna say. a girl
at my summer camp went to an alternative high school
and wore tank tops because she wasnt worried about anybody seeing

rain speckles your face all silver when you tell me 
we both missed the deadline
for the internship application. i think that it will be okay

but i am always wrong. a fortune teller gleans
out of a glass orb
a future you disagree with.
i dont have to know what happens to know

i disagree with the traffic light on a night
she and i are in the backseat
together, both internally warring over whether or not
to place a hand
you said it’s not too late for me but to be careful
i said ‘with what’
you said ‘be careful’
& my brain turned
to a claw clasping & unclasping
until you texted back with more clarity

i don’t think i feel like it
i want her to think i am a whimsical person
but i don’t have any posters in my room right now and it resembles an asylum

i think, i don’t know
i’ve never seen one from the inside
next time she comes over
i will tell her that

It Is In Everyone’s Best Interest

i liked her instantly because she had a picture of her mom as her profile picture
there are only erratic ways to measure tenderness & i think that’s how
it should feel when someone is bashful in an honest way, not just
because it’s cute and fun to draw people
closer to the person they would be if no one had ever said anything
when you are in the room i feel it in my back teeth as a kind of metallic ringing, 
chewing on the aluminum of you saying hi to other people first 
it is impossible not to fall in love with someone when they tell you the story
of the afternoon they stood in their backyard looking small above
the acorns littering the lawn, moving again and again
the hair from their face
it is impossible not to fall in love
at one point or another, but you have to try not to
ruin your perception of each other in this way; i idealize girls into gods

and feel betrayed when they can’t enact a flood whenever i want &
boys and girls do this to me & boys and girls do this to each other & boys
& boys pull at each other to see who makes more of a predator & girls
& girls pull at each other to see if anyone really loves anyone for the inside
i click through her profile pictures and wish we could be friends but
there are only insolent ways to distract yourself, or i always
feel so kind from a distance

Whenever Someone Asks If I’ve Been Skinny Dipping I Say Yes But I Haven’t

depending on how far you zoom out it is easier to absorb any sized tragedy
i havent watched the news in two months
you cant make me 

i have enough to fear & tread above
not frantic, just moving
so as to avoid touching the awful slimy thing w/ my foot
or whatever else is at the bottom of a lake so big

it’s been a while since i’ve seen you and you were not happy to see me
i’m not mad, i know you’ve been busy organizing your future by color
it’s just another thing to notice
get my head wet last, wait til everyone else goes first
but generally someone has to dunk me, two open hands 
on my shoulders & laughter that blurs once underwater 

longer i hold my breath down here the more
my lungs fill with steel, cold tug & shrapnel
you sent me a series of snapchats of you at ArtSpace in Hartford
i am uncultured and didn’t understand what i was looking at
but i liked the exhibit with all the red bowls
full of red flowers