4 Poems
AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME I HAVE 635 FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK
i'm tired of
falling in & out
of love with people
every single night
there are only so many ways
to show what side of the lake you're on
I'D RATHER BE BEAUTIFUL THAN MALE
"The moon is trans.
From this moment forward, the moon is trans.
You don’t get to write about the moon anymore unless you respect that.
You don’t get to talk to the moon anymore unless you use her correct pronouns."
- joshua jennifer espinoza
& when the big dumb moon fell into our bed
i was right in the middle of telling you
about how i would like to coach your favorite baseball team
& after she fell into our bed
the moon asked about phases
why hers were called phases
& how scary that word is
you told her the sky
changes colors
turning blue & purple
like the body
she understood
kind of
& i told her
she's not ready for everything
that's okay
we're all okay
your light hits all of us
so we are all you
a small part of each of us
is the moon
& she's beautiful
i said we are all the moon
& we are all butterflies
who think living for a day
is living for a lifetime
even though some of us
can't keep going
especially after seeing our naked bodies
& the first time i looked
into the mirror after cutting my hair
i was finally beautiful
just kidding
i have always been beautiful
the moon swore she heard someone crying
outside of our window
we ignored it
she said i think we should really check on them
& i said we're always feeling glaciers moving
at the bottom of our stomachs
i said this to no one in particular
so then the moon asked me
when i started wearing glasses
& at this point
you had gotten out of bed
to get some water
so you didn't hear this part
but i said
i can remember when my dad started wearing glasses
but not my mom
my mom can't really see me anymore
& then the room filled up with air
the kind that fills up rooms
before it rains
the moon asked me
if i ever experienced
a major death in my family & i said
no
can we go back to talking about how beautiful you are
can we go back to talking about all the love poems
i tried to write for each bridge i've walked over but never did
can you watch me foam at the mouth with every cloud
that ever existed
but slowly disappeared
& then you came back into the room
but it was too dark so i didn't notice
& continued to tell the moon about the time my astronomy professor
told my class that we were never supposed to be here
& how us being here
alive on earth
is the same probability of winning the lottery 100,000 times
how fucked up is that?
& then i had to leave the room because i needed to cry in the rain
so i'm not sure what you & the moon talked about which is fine i guess
i just want to know
will you please stop leaving all the photographs in the fridge?
pressing the buttons on a camera makes strawberries
according to a four year old
who is taking pictures of beautiful things
with a camera that doesn't work
& before the moon left
she made everything quiet for us
so we could hear the universe's slow hum
i could imagine the weather
on the day every person i know was born
the first day of K's life was probably the only day in october
that held rain
because she's always crying
& i'm always feeling reflections of rainbows when she laughs
i told the moon this
& she said thank you
& turned me into stardust while you were pulling out
your eyelashes unintentionally
she climbed back into the sky
with a sign the read
the inverse of you
is the universe
i know that's not always enough
3.
please stop being beautiful in front of me because it is very hard to live when you are right next to a person, a beautiful one, like yourself. Mercury is spinning around us & there are currently no plans but soon I will end up saying something like Maybe we should just elope & you will say But my family needs to be there & I will say We should buy a farm so your family can come visit us on it. you will ask What about your family & I will open the window then ask Where are all the fucking seagulls? sometimes October rings inside my ears. sometimes I want to tell you I think it's time to start living like a tree before we turn into tables. you will give me a look like the look I give any child under two who can't tie their shoes & I will say Don't worry, I promise to be better just after I press my hand into some wet soil.
4.
here is a love letter to my body / thank you for fixing me up when I fall on a hard sidewalk & also fuck you for making me cry in every single bathroom / this is starting to get beautiful / & fuck anyone who thinks saying the word beautiful in a poem is wrong / this is a poem for the beautiful people who have felt like they were wrong / for everyone who still has caterpillar skin watching butterflies laugh around them / butterflies so light they can land on a person's nose / yeah / a nose / for everyone waiting patiently to be able to fly / clothes aren't gendered so why don't you go fuck yourself / i'm waiting for different colors to turn into me