HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN BIT BY A DOG OR SOMETHING
Dramatis Personae
Riley, Playwright from the DIY music scene
Akira, Riley's masked friend
John Meowkovich, Riley's cat
SCENE—Riley's living room with the stereo system
Enter Riley. They are hanging out in the living room, thumbing through records. They find the Cloth record. They sit and scan the cover. They put the record on. And the music plays for a bit. Then there's a knock on the door. And Riley gets up, answers the door.
Enter Akira.
Riley: What have you been up to?
(Akira shrugs.)
Riley: I have been chilling out working on this short play for Hannah's gutter show thing.
I showed the current edit to Hannah.
She said that she liked the cat.
That the last minute could be cut.
I don't think that says much about the play.
I wanted her to say something about reality melting dripping oozing through the walls
(They listen to the record for a moment)
Riley: I fucking bought this record when I was in college, like I use to buy albums that were on labels that I liked, because there wasn't the internet yet.
Like because I really didn't have a way to learn about music otherwise.
So what I would do is, if I found a band.
Bands were on record labels.
Labels would have catalogues.
Catalogues would have all the other CDs.
CD stores still existed back then.
Then I would go to the record shop.
Shop around until I would find bands from the catalogue.
And there was mail orders too.
When I got to college, well… I started out listening to rock.
Union were good, are good.
Union lead me to labels like Pop Bus direct line.
Union-like bands made up the entire Pop Bus catalogue.
Union and union-like filled my CD rack.
Union then became boring.
So I listened to Prince for a while.
Then when I got back into rock, it was bands like Color Front, because there was directly, had a direct line from Union to Color Font.
And then eventually all bands started to sound like Union.
It wasn't that I branched off into like all corners of indy rock, some experimental music.
All corners of indy rock, some experimental music was devoured by my idea of what Union sounded like.
(They listen to the record for a moment)
Riley: I don't want to go to work tomorrow.
When I go out in public, there's, there's just a lot of death.
Spiritual death.
Emotional death.
There's just a lot of death.
It is not even a matter of believing in other people.
I have to walk into every situation almost like as comedian does.
Looking at everything as a joke.
I have to go into every situation with every person I interact with and expect the worst situation and try to figure out how to make it good you know?
It is the only way.
It's the only rational response.
Trust me, I've tried to live all different ways.
Okay, there's different types of jokes.
Yes.
Jokes have different functions.
You can turn it around.
It's inspirational.
You can treat that as an inspiration…
Well, not a joke but like, umm, a challenge.
The challenge becomes the joke.
I've been testing this theory a lot since I have been working at Habitat for Humanity.
Not on the clients.
On the people I work with, they are more challenging than the clients.
I feel more natural with the clients than I do with the people I work with.
(They zone out in the music.)
Riley: Maybe I should ask these guys to see if they want to do the soundtrack for my play.
(They zone out in the music.)
Riley: There's ex military guys up at Habitat for Humanity who are extremely patriotic, they have flags everywhere.
It is terrifying, it's the heart of darkness in some respects.
I see it because there are one or two guys up there who are extremely proud of their service, who their entire ego is based around this service.
Like they are proud in a way that the pride becomes the center of this person.
Like they can't see the world in any other way.
I just like steer clear of this person.
I say hey to them, and I don't engage them in any other conversation.
Unless its in the bathroom or something, and it's just like, hey.
Cus I know, that the minute I start interacting with this person, they would size me up, and I have already sized them up.
And we will know that we are mortal enemies.
...
But its possible that he like prince.
We could bond over that.
Things like that have happened.
In work situations.
Before.
Like meeting people who are extremely different in ways, but it's just like fuck, I really like that person.
Like at my last job, at that last flower shop I worked at.
There was this guy that I worked with, that I fucking really liked.
He was older than me.
He was like probably close to sixty.
He was just this this fucking weird, hilarious dude.
He was super hyperactive.
He was always bopping around, saying funny shit, had a real funny way of talking.
And like he was like this super ultra ultra conservative hardcore Christian.
Ultra.
He was like the jeasus freak of all jesus freaks.
He was extra super crazy conservative about political shit.
Believes in the police, really hardcore right guy.
But me and him very quickly became like the comedy team, super hardcore.
Because he would say shit to get my going.
And we would just start.
Oh man.
I love this guy.
He was so funny.
He was really different from me, but he was really on the ball.
He was hilarious.
His name was Roy.
(They zone out in the music.)
Riley: I don't want to do anything
I think I have directed my whole life to not doing anything
Like the not-reading, not-making-shit, not-hanging-out type not-do-anything.
(Riley checks his phone.)
Riley: Oh shit, Hanah just texted me: told Nathan that you were making a play, and he said that it made his day.
That's nice.
(Akira nods.)
Riley: Want another drink?
(Akira shrugs)
Riley: Alright.
Exit [Riley]
(Akira sits in the room alone humming. The bumming becomes the soundtrack for the moment. Everything holds on Akira humming.)
Enter [Riley holding John Meowkovich]
Riley: Look who I found.
It's John Meowkovich.
When got John Meowkovich at the animal shelter, they told us his medical history.
They said when they when they found him, he had an injury to his scrotum. He had not been neutered.
They said that when they found him, his balls were ripped open, his balls were hanging out.
But like something happened to him.
He might have been bit by a dog or something.
But when they found him his ball sack was ripped open.
He shows concern for the cat.
So when I brought him home I was like dude I am never going to let something like that happen to you again. You're safe now.
Like I felt so sorry for him.
Because he is such a sweet cat.
When I first saw him in the shelter, he came right up to me and sat in my lap and I was scratching his chin and he would just not move.
He could just sit on top of me for like ever.
Love at first sight.
He totally, he was like my cat.
I knew when I first saw him.
I was like, that's my new buddy.
(They zone out in the music.)
What if I just never finished the play
What if I just sat here listening to records until the power went out, until reality is reality melting dripping oozing through the walls
Put on Prince or some shit.
(Akira gets up.)
Riley: Oh shit, you're headed out?
Riley: Allright duderz.
Well, it was great to see you.
Exit [Akira]
(Riley sits in the chair, listens to the music for a long time, like as though they were never going to stop, as though the play was never going to end.)